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Volume 9, Issue 38 Friday, September 21, 2007
Hello All,
We had to put Annette’s mother, Dorothy Montgomery, in the “Reflections” unit of Springhill Medical Center last Saturday. Her dementia had suddenly worsened exponentially the previous Thursday.
Reflections is a great place to get temporary care and I had hopes that getting her medicines lined out and better fed would help her improve. But, so far, she hasn’t responded well. Her physical health is better; she’s eating better and looking better. But the symptoms have not improved.
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It was especially hard for me to leave for Texas A&M this week since I didn’t want to leave Annette alone to deal with the issues surrounding her mother. But she’s strong and capable and probably did a better job that she would have if I’d been helping.
Of course, I had a great time at College Station. We had 28 guys from Magnolia as well as Albemarle folks from Bayport, TX and Baton Rouge, LA training there. It was hot, but not unbearable and everyone did great, looking out for one another and never cutting anyone any slack.
On Tuesday evening, Don Vash and I went to The Hullabaloo Diner in Wellborn, TX. David had seen this throwback to the ‘50s on Food Networks "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.
A squeaky windmill and dirt parking lot mark the location of a place that reminded me of “The Brown Duke” on steroids.
Hullabaloo's Diner is one of the few registered, authentic diners in the state of Texas. Step back in time when you enter this historic gem. ... www.hullabaloodiner.com
But it’s not just a 50s style diner. It’s also a gourmet eating establishment. Sort of reminds me of the time Tammy opened a combination Deli - Rent All store. It’s hard to get a hold on the exact nature of the business.
The Hullabaloo is open Tuesday - Saturday from 9 am to 9 pm, serving breakfast all the time and supplementing the traditional diner fare with exquisite breads, sauces and seasonings.
I had a turkey sandwich that was GREAT! Don settled for the “traditional” Philly steak sandwich. Either one would have easily fed two or three people.
Two big hits among the A&M student crowd are the “Aggie Special” 12 egg omelet served with bell peppers, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, jalapenos, three cheeses, ham, bacon, sausage and smothered in green chili or sausage gravy. And the peanut butter and jelly French toast.
Trust me; a trip to the Hullabaloo is worth it. From the Brayton Fire Training Grounds, just follow the Harvey Mitchell Parkway (2818) south to the Wellborn Road (2154) turn right and go about five miles. Don’t give up just because it seems there are no human beings in the area. Keep driving through the mesquite until you see the Wellborn water tower, then go about a mile and the Hullabaloo is on the left (east) side of the road.
As you’d expect, they specialize in great comfort food (especially the meatloaf and spaghetti with meatballs). The food is consistent and FANTASTIC. The service is friendly and helpful. But you're not here to rush...relax and enjoy some great food and fun atmosphere.
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Annette and I ran by the Columbia County Fair Friday night. She wanted to pick up some peanuts and popcorn and I enjoyed watching all the folks at the talent show.
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We read Stephen Hunter’s “The 47th Samurai” this week. If you liked Bob Lee Swagger in the movie “Shooter”, here he is in his 60s, still taking on the bad guys. The CCOLC Library has this book.
Now, we’re reading “Lone Survivor” by Marcus Luttrell, the eyewitness account of the lost heroes of Seal Team 10. David gave me this book.
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http://www.shelfari.com/BugsBleat/shelf?ec=7D790D174EFS18012
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Favorite Bumper Sticker
“Caution! In case of Rapture, this car will swerve as my mother in law grabs the wheel.”
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News from “Master’s Hands”
Dear Friends and Family,
Hello from Tanzania! We arrived here safely on August 16th. Our trip was very smooth and easy which can only be attributed to prayer. When we arrived at the Memphis airport we looked like a hurricane in motion since we came with 16 suitcases, 8 carry-ons and 3 small children. Somehow that was the smoothest check-in I’ve ever had. They even gave us all our excess luggage for free!
All of the boys did very well on the short trip to Atlanta but we hadn’t realized that we lost an hour in the time change. Since our plane took off a little late and we lost that hour, we hardly had time to make the connection to our international flight. Brandt had two push carry-ons, a diaper bag and a backpack. I had a backpack, a push carry-on and was holding Ben. Both Austin and Ty had almost their body in the backpacks they were carry so they were about to topple over. They looked like weebles! There we were running through the Atlanta airport! When we got there, I was told the whole plane was waiting on us. So in we ran to board the plane and our back packs were so wide they whacking people in the face as we walked to our seats. Nevertheless, it was a smooth flight overall and there were no more problems.
Twenty-three hours later when our plane touched down in Tanzania, Austin raised hands and said “Hallelujah, we’re home.” I tried to explain to him we still had to go through customs and immigrations, collect all 16 of our bags, drive an hour and THEN we’d be home. He looked at me and said, “Mom, we’re in Africa, we’re home.” That blessed my heart that this is home to him. Sometimes missionary kids have assured me that they LOVE their lives here and this is where they want to be. To me, that’s a gift from God.
Raising kids on the mission field is oftentimes humorous. All of our boys speak Swahili and some words in Swahili sound like English but have different meanings. For example, dudu in Swahili means bugs. Ben loves to talk about dudus. He happened to get several bug bites on his legs through this summer while we were in America. So, later, the boys and I were in Wal-Mart. There were two older men in an aisle talking and when they saw us coming, they moved to let us through. At that exact moment Ben yelled, “mama, dudu eat me!” I didn’t even stop to explain, I just kept right on rolling!
We love and appreciate all of you and pray blessings on you.
Joyfully
Brandt, Pam, Austin, Ty and Ben
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Albemarle’s “Weight Watcher’s At Work” group is still inviting new member at Monday’s meeting. Join us at noon in the security conf room. Our group has lost over 250 pounds.
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I got the “WARNING ABOUT Pancake Mix” again this week. It tells the story of a young man who almost died because he ate pancakes made with outdated mix. Seems that there is a mold that grows in old pancake mix which can be toxic.
This is a true story but only to those who have mold allergies.
I guess it’s better to not use food products that are out of date. Or from China.
~~~~~
I hope Joe Tudor can give us the “Straight Skinny” on this site that Barry Brownlee shared with us. http://www.toptiergas.com/retailers.html
~~~~~
Antioch East Baptist Church Fall Revival - 9/23 - 9/26
(370 Columbia 25 Magnolia, AR)
Evangelist: Todd West from Maumelle AR
Sunday night, Sept. 23rd m, starting at 6:00 p.m.
Monday-Wednesday nights, Sept. 24th-26th, starting at 7:00 p.m.
Wednesday night will be Youth night; free pizza and drawing for prizes for youth
Youth activities (pizza and prizes) will begin at 6:00 p.m.
Contact Tim Wooley for Youth Night Tickets @ 234-0178 or ext. 6441
P.S. Ya'll are of course welcome to come as well; bring all the youth people you can!
~~~~~
Greetings,
Hunting al Qaeda Parts II [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/hunting-al-qaeda-part-ii-of-iii.htm] and III [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/hunting-al-qaeda-part-iii-of-iii.htm] are now ready for you. Video included.
Am heading back to Iraq in a few days to keep the raw information coming. Your support is very important and greatly appreciated.
V/r,
Michael
www.michaelyon-online.com
~~~~~
Why Eisenhower became president:
Good tactics can save even the worst strategy. Bad tactics will destroy even the best strategy. - George S. Patton
In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensible. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
Thanks to Robert Lyons
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AR-1 Disaster Medical Assistance Team - - Reminder of this month's Meeting on our regularly scheduled last Saturday of the month. The meeting will be at the warehouse in Little Rock.
- 1:00pm – 5:00pm
- General Member Meeting
- Interested personnel encouraged to attend.
- AR-1 is now accepting applications.
http://www.ar1dmat.com/
~~~~~
DoD Permanently Discontinues Procurement Of Global Positioning System Selective Availability
The Department of Defense announced today that it intends to stop procuring Global Positioning System (GPS) satellites with the capability to intentionally degrade the accuracy of civil signals.
This capability, known as Selective Availability (SA), will no longer be present in the next generation of GPS satellites.
Although the United States stopped the intentional degradation of GPS satellite signals by setting SA levels to zero in May 2000, this action to permanently remove SA eliminates a source of uncertainty in GPS performance that has been of concern to civil GPS users worldwide for some time. While this action will not materially improve the performance of the system, it does reflect the United States’ strong commitment to users by reinforcing that this global utility can be counted on to support peaceful civil applications around the globe.
The decision to remove the capability from the next generation GPS satellites was approved by the President after a recommendation from DoD. The move coincides with the U.S. Air Force’s solicitation to purchase the next generation of GPS satellites known as GPS III.
GPS is a dual-use, satellite-based system that provides accurate positioning, navigation and timing information to users worldwide. Originally developed by the Department of Defense as a military system, GPS has become a global utility. It benefits users around the world in many different applications, including aviation, road, marine and rail navigation, telecommunications, emergency response, resource exploration, mining and construction, financial transactions and many more.
~~~~~
The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.
http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/
Here are links to items posted on The Pump Handle over the past week:
** "IARC Report on Causes of Cancer: There They Go Again …" by Dick Clapp Authors of a new report from the International Agency for Research on Cancer take a disturbing turn by invoking the concept of "hormesis." http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/20/iarc-report-on-causes-of-cancer/
** "Grocery Manufacturers Request Regulation" by Liz Borkowski The grocery manufacturers' trade association is asking for more regulation – but not too much more. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/20/grocery-manufacturers-request-regulation/
** "Toxicologist Wins Public Health Award" by David Michaels Congratulations to Ron Melnick, winner of the American Public Health Association's 2007 David P. Rall Award for Advocacy in Public Health! http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/19/toxicologist-wins-public-health-award/
** "Occupational Health News Roundup" by Liz Borkowski There's news about efforts to treat Ground Zero workers, an alarming increase in the rate of black lung disease in coal miners, and a controversial Texas Supreme Court ruling affecting employer liability. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/19/occupational-health-news-roundup-32/
** "Will Universities Stick Up for Controversial Faculty?" by Liz Borkowski A case at Idaho State University involving a researcher and a mining company highlights the line administrators must walk in protecting academic freedom – and the potential consequences if they fail. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/18/will-universities-stick-up-for-controversial-faculty/
** "Parliamentary Maneuvers Derail California's Diacetyl Legislation" by Liz Borkowski The California Senate vote on a bill banning diacetyl from California workplaces reached a tie – until one Senator voted for the bill in order to derail it. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/18/parliamentary-maneuvers-derail-california%e2%80%99s-diacetyl-legislation/
** "Judge Finds States are Doing What Congress Intended" by Liz Borkowski In the automakers' suit against Vermont's auto regulations, U.S. District Judge William Sessions found that state efforts to regulate greenhouse gas emissions are perfectly in line with what Congress intended when it passed the relevant legislation. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/17/judge-finds-state-are-doing-what-congress-intended/
** "Man Bites Dog? Corporations Ask for Regulation" by David Michaels A New York Times article explores the industries currently requesting regulation of their products and notes that one motivator may be fear of stronger state or local regulation. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/16/man-bites-dog-corporations-ask-for-regulation/
** "Friday Blog Roundup" by Liz Borkowski Journalists are under scrutiny for their coverage of climate change and for the errors they sometimes make; plus, bloggers have recommendations for addressing neglected tropical diseases, unsafe consumer products, and various environmental issues. http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2007/09/14/friday-blog-roundup-41/
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FENDER SKIRTS:
A term I haven't heard in a long time. and thinking about fender skirts started me thinking about other words that quietly disappeared from our language with hardly a notice like curb feelers:
And steering knobs, AKA suicide knob.
Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went in that direction first.
Any kids reading this will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.
Remember Continental kits?
They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.
When did we quit calling them emergency brakes?
At some point parking brake became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with emergency brake.
I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the accelerator the footfeed.
Didn't you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home, so you could ride the running board up to the house?
Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore-- store-bought. Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy
Coast to coast is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term worldwide for granted. This floors me.
On a smaller scale, wall-to-wall was once a magical term in our homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.
When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase in a family way? It's hard to imagine that the word pregnant was once considered a little too graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all that talk about stork visits and being in a family way or simply expecting.
Apparently brassiere is a word no longer in usage. I said it the other day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just bra now. Unmentionables probably wouldn't be understood at all.
I always loved going to the picture show, but I considered movie an affectation.
Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s expression I came across the other day--rat fink. Oooh, what a nasty put-down! And how redundant, since fink means 'to rat on’.
Here's a word I miss -- percolator. That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? Coffee maker. How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.
I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words like DynaFlow and Electrolux. Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with SpectraVision!
Food for thought: Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.
Some words aren't gone but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most is supper. Now everybody says dinner. Save great words. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.
Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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MapQuest Gas Prices, Pretty Cool http://gasprices.mapquest.com
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The photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include shots of our guys training at the Emergency Services Training Institute in College Station Texas.
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Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
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Recipe(s) of the week - - - Super Quick Minestrone Recipe courtesy Michael Chiarello
Show: Easy Entertaining with Michael Chiarello
Difficulty: Easy
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 40 minutes
Yield: 8 to 10 servings
1 cup (4 ounces) tubetti pasta, or other small pasta shape
Extra-virgin olive oil
6 cups chicken stock
1/4 pound pancetta, cut into 3 pieces
6 medium garlic cloves, each cut in ½ lengthwise
2 cups finely chopped yellow onions (2 small onions)
1 cup small-diced celery (2 medium stalks)
1 cup small-diced carrots (2 to 3 medium carrots)
1 tablespoon finely chopped rosemary or thyme leaves
1 (14-ounce) can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
1 (14 ½-ounce) can diced tomatoes
4 cups small-diced zucchini (green/yellow) (5 small zucchini)
2 cups small-diced, peeled russet potatoes (1 large russet)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup freshly grated Parmesan
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook according to package directions until al dente. Drain and transfer the pasta to a baking sheet. Toss the pasta with a little olive oil to prevent sticking.
In a large saucepan over medium heat, warm the chicken stock.
In another large saucepan over high heat, heat 1/4 cup oil. When the oil is hot but not smoking, add the pancetta and cook until it begins to brown, 3 to 4 minutes, turning occasionally. Add the garlic and cook until it begins to brown, about 1 minute, stirring occasionally. Lower the heat to medium and add the onions, celery, and carrots.
Cook until the vegetables are soft, 8 to 10 minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent browning. Add the chopped herbs. Raise the heat to high. Add the beans, tomatoes, zucchini, and potatoes. Add the chicken stock and bring to a boil. Then bring it down to a simmer and cook until the potatoes are tender, 12 to 15 minutes, skimming any foam off the top of the soup. Season generously with pepper. Add salt, to taste. Just a few minutes before serving, add the cooked tubetti pasta. Serve warm with Parmesan and olive oil passed at the table.
Cooking notes: Add the cooked pasta just before serving. If it sits in the soup too long, it develops a flabby texture. Tubetti (little hollow tubes) are the classic pasta for minestrone, but you could substitute another small shape of pasta.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_31993,00.html
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If you’d like to write Dr. Antoon, he’d like to hear from you. This is his current address, the latest of the three federal prison’s he’s been in.
Patrick Antoon #06669-010
Federal Prison Camp-La Tuna
P. O. Box 8000
Anthony, NM/TX 88021
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We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson
Learning Character
By Chuck Colson
9/21/2007
How Not to Raise a Barbarian
Two hundred years ago, philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau advanced a theory that humans are born naturally good, but corrupted by society.
I thought of Rousseau’s theory recently. A colleague told me she left her two pre-teen sons at home alone while she went shopping. Returning an hour later, she found a number of odd marks on the walls. It turned out that her sons, in the midst of a fight, had begun throwing kitchen knives at each other. Fortunately, they were bad shots, but that’s scary.
There is no way you could convince this mom that children are born good. Would that all parents had such wisdom. As Christian dad Tony Woodlief writes in the Wall Street Journal, “Some mothers and fathers stubbornly cling to the utopian beliefs of their childless years”—even as their own kids give them plenty of reason to change their minds.
Woodlief—as the father of four boys—has plenty of firsthand evidence that kids are born as sinners. As he puts it, “Nobody who’s stood between a toddler and the last cookie should still harbor a belief in the inherent virtue of mankind. And an afternoon at the playground,” he declares, “is apt to make one toss out the idealist Rousseau”—that man is a compassionate and sensible being—in favor of the more realistic view and the Christian understanding of the Fall.
Woodlief cites Thomas Sowell, who wrote in his book A Conflict of Visions: “Each new generation born is, in effect, an invasion of civilization by little barbarians, who must be civilized before it is too late.”
Sowell offers a contrast between two visions fighting for dominance: the “unconstrained vision” of utopians, who believe they can radically improve mankind, and the “constrained vision” of realists—people who know that man is inherently selfish and cannot be reshaped by government into a better brand of human. Government should instead protect institutions like families “that channel our inherent selfishness into productive behavior,” so says Woodlief.
Woodlief is right on. As Aristotle argued, character cannot be taught, it can only be learned—and it is best learned in the communities of the family and the Church, where children can see and experience virtue. That is why the war that is being waged against the family is so serious. If we end up destroying the family unit, we will end up destroying civilization itself. In my 31 years at Prison Fellowship, I have seen firsthand the fruits of broken families—prisons filled with young men and women who had no father, no family. They are like feral children without a knowledge of right and wrong.
We have also seen in our InnerChange Freedom Initiative what healthy community can mean: There, prisoners bond together as family. They are embraced by local churches, and they are part of a community in which virtue is experienced and practiced. That is why the men who graduate from the program have dramatically reduced recidivism rates.
Well, what can we do to keep the little barbarians from becoming big ones? Pray for, promote, and protect the family! And look around your church: See whether the single parents are getting the support and help they deserve. There are so many dysfunctional families today that our church communities have to act as the family writ large—where virtue and Christian character can be touched, tasted, and learned.
“Raising Wild Boys into Men” by Tony Woodlief (New Pamphleteer)—Be one of the first 100 callers to receive a copy: 1-877-322-5527.
For Further Reading and Information
Tony Woodlief, “Don’t Suffer the Little Children,” Wall Street Journal, 7 September 2007.
Tony Woodlief, “Boys to Men,” Wall Street Journal, 15 June 2007.
Visit Tony Woodlief’s blog.
Thomas Sowell, A Conflict of Visions (Perseus, 2007).
Kristine Steakley, “Boys Can Be Boys,” The Point, 26 June 2007.
Anne Morse, “Boys WILL Be Boys: Get Over It!” The Point, 27 June 2007.
Karen Santorum, Everyday Graces: A Child’s Book of Good Manners (ISI Books, 2003).
The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
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Words of the Week:
panjandrum: an important or self-important official.
turpitude: baseness; depravity.
ne plus ultra: the acme; also, the most profound degree.
potboiler: a usually inferior literary or artistic work, produced quickly for the purpose of making money.
varicolored: having a variety of colors.
recreant: cowardly; also, unfaithful or disloyal.
intrepid: fearless; bold.
embonpoint: plumpness of person.
from Dictionary.Com.
~~~~~
"Perhaps the world's second-worst crime is boredom; the first is being a bore." - Cecil Beaton
"Not that you lied to me but that I no longer believe you - that is what has shaken me." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"To say that a man is vain means merely that he is pleased with the effect he produces on other people." - Max Beerbohm
"Ours is the age of substitutes: Instead of language we have jargon; instead of principles, slogans; and instead of genuine ideas, bright suggestions." - Eric Bentley
"Life has taught me that it is not for our faults that we are disliked and even hated but for our qualities." - Bernard Berenson
"We can become anything. That is why injustice is impossible here. There may be the accident of birth, there is no accident of death. Nothing forces us to remain what we were." - John Berger
"What is known as success assumes nearly as many aliases as there are those who seek it." - Stephen Birmingham
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BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/
# Deceased Missionary to China Writes of Elijah vs. the Prophets of Baal Experience in Journal
# Father of Beheaded Reporter, Daniel Pearl, Says Moral Relativism Died With His Son
# Study Has Scientists Attributing Youthful Skin and Longevity of British Royals to Mineral Water in Scotland
# Man Changes Careers to Become Chaplain—Loves the Results
# Cancer Cure Within Two Years Now a Strong Possibility
# Maryland High Court Rules to Protect Traditional Marriage
# Newly Introduced Measure Aims at Protecting Children from Profanity on TV
# Christian Father-son Group Surrounds Iraqi Boy with Prayer on a California Beach
# 150 Years Ago: The Wall Street Revival
# Venezuelan Man, Declared Dead, Wakes Up During Autopsy
# More Than 2,000 Youth Saved at Soul Survivor Conference in U.K.
# Christian Leadership Expert to Address U.N. Ambassadors at 22nd Annual International Prayer Breakfast
# Pakistani Christian Teen Unexpectedly Acquitted of Alleged Blasphemy when Prosecution's Witnesses say He was Innocent
# Imprisoned Chinese Church Leader Freed
# North American School Kids Give Pocket Change to Provide Meals for Peers in India
# Two Women Start Unique Christian "Matchmaking" Service—Only Those Serious About Their Faith and Serious About Marriage Need Apply
# During 9/11 Memorial Service, Army Officer Proclaims it Was a Miracle that He Survived
# Award-Winning Actor, Jon Voight, Speaks in Support of the Troops' Mission in Iraq
# Young British Thug Has Life Transforming Experience in Africa, Finds God, and Now is Building Car Mechanics Garage in Kenya to Help Train, Employ Youth
# More Information on the Life Saver Water Filtration Bottle
# The Miracle Goes On—a Testimony from the Mother of One Who May Have been in Matthew's Lane of Traffic when God Stopped Him before the I-35 Bridge Collapse
# British Businessman Invents Water Purification Bottle That Makes the Rankest Water Drinkable in Seconds
# Judi the Manners Lady is on a Mission—Help families celebrate National Manners Month in September
# Florida Churches Unite to Defend the Use of Jesus' Name in Prayer in Local Hospital
# Welcome Support from General Petraeus, Ambassador Crocker, for the Assyrian Christians of Iraq
# Revealing Diary of Colombian Revolutionary May Change Minds; Save Lives
Breaking Christian News
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Personalized Plate
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor/ Unsubscribe info for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by F-Secure before it was sent.
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While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my personalized license plate, I heard the clerk shout out, "E I E I O."
"I'm here," the woman standing next to me answered.
Curious, I asked if she was a farmer or maybe taught kindergarten.
"Neither," she replied. "My name is McDonald."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Sleeping Juror
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Bud) -Tom
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A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination when he stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep."
The judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; you wake him up."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Questionnaire
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Bud) -Tom
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An Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, "How long has your present employer been in business?"
He thought for a moment, then wrote, "Since 1776."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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GCF: BBQ Rules
It is BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: I'm Worried
Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"
The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"
The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Small Town
Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
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You Know You Live in a Small Town When...
The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's tractor.
The local phone book has only one yellow page.
Third Street is on the edge of town.
You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the café, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair.
You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going anyway.
No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.
You call a wrong number and are supplied with the correct one.
Everyone knows all the news before it's published; residents read the hometown paper just to see whether the publisher got it right.
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: New Father
Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
--------------------------------------------
The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth of his son, was determined to do everything right.
"So, tell me, Nurse," he asked as his new family headed out the hospital door, "what time should we wake the little guy in the morning?"
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Good Manners
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Dorothy) -Tom
--------------------------------------------
The young lady said to Grandpa, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth."
"Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Life Insurance
Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
--------------------------------------------
Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today for a million dollars, and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?"
The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Shoplifter
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
--------------------------------------------
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip. "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Won't Cook
mailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
--------------------------------------------
I put a roast in the oven one noon hour and set the timer, a feature I hadn't used yet. Before leaving work that afternoon, I phoned my 14-year-old son to ask him to check the roast and peel some potatoes. Minutes later he called back. "Mom, the roast isn't cooked. The oven didn't come on."
The roast was on the menu again the following day, but this time, since I stopped by the house after a business lunch, I decided to turn the oven on myself. Again before leaving work, I called my son to check the roast and get the potatoes started. Again he called me back. "The roast still isn't cooked."
"Listen," I said. "I know the oven's on. I turned it on before I left. I didn't use the timer."
"Oh, the stove's working fine," he told me. "It's just that the roast is still in the refrigerator."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Biggest Liar
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
--------------------------------------------
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher asked, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answered, "We found a ten-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Up
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
--------------------------------------------
Lovers of the English language might enjoy this ... How do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English?
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this up is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so .... Time to shut UP .....!
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Cab Ride
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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On a business trip to India, I arrived at the airport in Delhi and took a taxi to my hotel, where I was greeted by my hospitable Indian host.
The cab driver requested the equivalent of eight dollars U.S. for the fare. It seemed reasonable, so I started to hand him the money. But my host grabbed the bills and initiated a verbal assault upon the cabby, calling him a worthless parasite and a disgrace to their country for trying to overcharge visitors. My host threw half the amount at the driver and told him never to return. As the taxi sped off, my host gave me the remaining bills and asked, "How was your trip?"
"Fine ... until you chased the cab away with my luggage in the trunk."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Kitchen Cry
Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com
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Howard came home from work one evening and there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.
"What's the matter, darling?" he asked her.
"I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the dog has just eaten it."
"Don't worry," said Howard, "I'll get us another dog."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: First Salute
mailed to me from another humor list (Joanna's Jokes) -Tom To subscribe to Joanna's Jokes, send a blank email to: JoannasJokes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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The first salute received by a freshly commissioned Second Lieutenant is always significant. It's symbolizes authority and prestige.
When I pinned on my new Air Force gold bars and stepped out to face the world, I encountered a staff sergeant.
He gave me a snappy salute and said, "Good morning, Lieutenant. Your hat is on backwards, sir."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Three Day Silence
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
--------------------------------------------
My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.
She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."
"That'll teach them!" I replied.
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Mental Test
Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to:
SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com
--------------------------------------------
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering of humor editors, and the host naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," he asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If there is hesitation that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"
The editor thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Shakespeare
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
--------------------------------------------
Librarian to college football player: "May I help you?"
"I have to read a play by Shakespeare."
"Which one?"
"William."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Healthy Competition
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Jacob) -Tom
------------------------------------------------
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ... BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ... LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read ... MAIN ENTRANCE.
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: Stupidity Bonus
Found at The Shark Tank (Computerworld) -Tom
--------------------------------------------
It's the 1990's, and at this electronics manufacturer, all the factory IT systems run on a cluster of VAX minicomputers, says a technician working there.
"Each software engineer's log-in ID was his last name," tech says. "Thus, the jobs they ran on the computers would show in the process list with their names on them."
That list is displayed when a particular system command is run. But the monitor command is very resource-intensive, and there's only one person who uses it except when absolutely necessary. That's the director of manufacturing IT, who runs it constantly.
"Why?" the systems administrator asks the director in a meeting. And the tech overhears the director whispering to his right-hand manager that he uses it to keep an eye on who's being productive.
Tech is outraged. "This was not a fair measurement of productivity," he says. "An analyst running a data-crunching job would show up prominently on the director's screen, but an engineer developing real-time code on a piece of manufacturing equipment would never show up. Also, somebody who wrote shoddy code that took forever to run would be viewed in a more favorable light than somebody who wrote fast, tight code.
"As soon as the meeting was over, I went back to my desk and wrote a simple program that was nothing but an infinite loop. I then set myself up to be able to launch the command at lowest priority on any computer to run for a random amount of time."
As a result, the tech's program only uses up idle CPU time -- but it always shows up at the top of the CPU-monitor list.
"Then I randomly launched the program on different computers in the cluster at different times," says the tech. "Especially evenings and weekends when I was working overtime and the director happened to be in as well. I made sure my idle loop was prominently appearing on his screen from several directions at once.
"For the entire time I worked for that division, I received stellar annual performance reviews. I also received higher-than-average merit pay increases each year.
"I always wonder how much of that was due to the busy little program."
_ ____________________________ _
GCF: What Don't You have?
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Andrew) -Tom
--------------------------------------------
An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says, "I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, ear-aches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs....."
"Sir," says the doctor, "you complain you have so many things ... what DON'T you have?"
The man answers, "Teeth."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If Wal-Mart is lowering prices \ /
\ _/ every day, how come nothing \_ /
/ / in the store is free yet? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Nothing increases your \ /
\ _/ golf score like witnesses. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / There are only two things \ \_/ ////
\ / a child will share willingly: \ /
\ _/ communicable diseases \_ /
/ / and his mother's age. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Real men don't waste their \ /
\ _/ hormones growing hair. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I was so surprised at my birth, \ /
\ _/ I couldn't talk for a year. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / If ever you're about to be \ \_/ ////
\ / mugged by a pair of clowns, \ /
\ _/ don't hesitate ... \_ /
/ / go for the juggler. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Brain cells come \ /
\ _/ and brain cells go, \_ /
/ / but fat cells live forever. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / A computer DOES save time \ \_/ ////
\ / at work. Now I can play \ /
\ _/ solitaire without having to spend \_ /
/ / all that time shuffling real cards. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Problems with Math? \ /
\ _/ Please Call \_ /
/ /1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]\ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The sooner you fall behind, \ /
\ _/the more time you have to catch up.\_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / Tell a man that there are \ \_/ ////
\ / 400 billion stars, and he'll \ /
\ _/believe you. But, tell him a bench \_ /
/ / has wet paint, and he has to touch it.\ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Before you point your fingers \ /
\ _/ be sure your hands are clean. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The early bird might get the \ /
\ _/ worm, but it's the second \_ /
/ / mouse that gets the cheese. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I wish the buck stopped here. \ /
\ _/ I could use a few. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Age is a very high price \ /
\ _/ to pay for maturity. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ /"Freedom consists not in doing \ \_/ ////
\ / what we like but in having the \ /
\ _/ right to do what we ought." \_ /
/ / - Pope John Paul II \ \
October 8, 1999
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The only cure for insomnia \ /
\ _/ is to get more sleep. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There are two theories \ /
\ _/ to arguing with women. \_ /
/ / Neither one works. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Change is good. \ /
\ _/ Dollars are better. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Don't hate yourself \ /
\ _/ in the morning. \_ /
/ / Sleep until noon. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / It is easier to get older \ /
\ _/ than it is to get wiser. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Do hungry crows have \ /
\ _/ ravenous appetites? \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Donation Drive (10 days left) Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation to help keep things running. Please visit http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details. For a limited time you can also get an Archive CD for your donation! See http://www.gcfl.net/funnycd.php for details.
New Shopper
(A true story)
I used to live in New Brunswick, New Jersey, the home of Rutgers University.
The new flock of kids attending college always includes those who need a little help with everyday chores they themselves never did before, such as laundry or grocery-shopping.
I was in the dairy aisle for some eggs. As usual, I opened the carton to check them over before putting them in my cart. Beside me, a young man did the same to his carton ... then leaned toward me and asked, "What are we looking for?"
Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth.
(-:][:-)
New Employee Orientation
Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a high-tech company. During the welcoming ceremony, the boss says, "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So don't trouble any of the other employees."
The cannibals promised not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later, the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you; however, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?"
The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing janitor. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the janitor?"
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!"
Received from Cathy Gilstrap.
(-:][:-)
Need a Haircut
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service.
Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. "I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service started?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
Received from DOC'S DAILY CHUCKLE.
(-:][:-)
Love Campaign
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposals a number of times.
He began what can only be called "Campaigning" and sent her a small token of his affection every day for a month to her house.
Soon, the young lady fell in love with the UPS man.
Received from Pastor Tim.
(-:][:-)
Just Visiting Here
A tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to a girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up.
She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here.'"
"Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?"
"I'm just visiting here."
Received from Pastor Tim.
(-:][:-)
Hamster Care
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"
Received from Pastor Tim.
(-:][:-)
Haircut
Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.
Susie: It grew on company time.
Boss: Not all that hair.
Susie: I didn't get it all cut.
Received from Pastor Tim.
(-:][:-)
Go To Church
On a sunny morning, William's mother came into her son's room and said, "William, it's Sunday. Time to get up! Time to get up and go to church! Get up!"
From under the covers came mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
"What do you mean?" she said. "That's silly! Now get up and get dressed and go to church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll give you two reasons. I don't like them and they don't like me!"
"Nonsense," she told him. "I'll give YOU two reasons to go. First, you are 42 years old, and second, you are the PASTOR!"
Received from Annette Eubanks.
(-:][:-)
Gabie-isms
Some interesting contributions (Gabie-isms) from Julie Q's five-year-old.
Said while walking into Walgreens drugstore. "Man, when are they ever going to get around to painting this place? The walls are still white -- not green!"
Gabie on the true meaning of President's Day: "If we're gone on present's day will we still get the presents?"
Gabie the mathematician: Here's a new number I invented: Ten-ty. It's another word for a hundred. Ten-ty is a little more than ninety.
Gourmet Gabie
Gabie: I'm going to make your sandwich today Mom. I have a new recipe -- and you're really going to like it -- it's called a peanut butter, honey, bologna, tuna sandwich.
Mom: Uh, sounds great Gabie, but I think I'm already making my own sandwich, so I'll pass.
Gabie: But Mom it's not a pain to make at all. And it's my yummiest sandwich ever. You might even get addicted to it. That means you want it all the time.
Mom: (thinking there's little chance of developing a peanut butter, honey, bologna, tuna addiction, but you never can be too careful) No thanks Gabie.
Gabie (persistent as ever): If you like it you can make it on your own. But you might need a little bit of help, so I'll help you with it. I'm the only one who knows how much to put in it. And which side to put the peanut butter on. It has to go on a certain side.
Mom (half annoyed, half amused): Listen Gabriel, I don't think I would like those ingredients together. Thanks for offering, but I really truly do not want a peanut butter, honey, bologna, tuna sandwich
Gabie: But how do you KNOW you won't like it if you've never tried it?!?
[Help! He's using my own logic against me. It's hopeless. Do I give in like a coward and let him make the darn sandwich, take a few nibbles off the edges while he glows with pride and then dispose of the rest when he trots off to watch Sesame Street? You betcha.]
10 minutes into the drive to Arizona, from the back of the van: "Vacations are just like being home, only better." [Sometimes I think Gabie is a walking t-shirt slogan.]
After getting a few cactus pricklies in his ankle: "Mom, this injury is pretty serious. I think I'm going to need a cast and a handicapped parking pass."
At the Body Worlds exhibit (where real human bodies are on display for anatomical study):
Mom (pointing to another body and wondering if this was a good place to bring a 5 year old, even if he is rather precocious and really fascinated with the human body and wants to be a doctor someday): So what do you think of this one Gabie?
Gabie: I think that man was very unlucky.
Mom: Why was he unlucky?
Gabie: Because he's dead.
Later at the same exhibit:
"They'd better hurry up and finish with this man's body so they can put it back in his grave where it belongs."
And the one I saved because I just should have seen it coming but I didn't and it totally made me snort:
Gabie: Hey, lets all have some pudding.
Mom: Sorry buddy. We can't have pudding right now, it's lunchtime.
Gabie: But I want some pudding. We could each have a different flavor.
Mom: No Gabie. It's lunchtime.
Gabie: Oh, alright... Then can I choose what we have for lunch?
Mom: Sure. What should we have for lunch?
Gabie: Pudding.
(-:][:-)
Friends vs Southern Friends
FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food. And lots of it.
FRIENDS: Will say "hello."
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. More than one.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad, and really mean it, too.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you. And for you.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together. Then do the dishes before leaving.
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. And most of the time know you better than you do yourself.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" If you are not home they will wait.
FRIENDS: Are for a while.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Are for life. And then some.
If one is deprived of Southern Friends, this will serve as an excellent educational tool for why they need to look into the possibility.
Received from FranCMT2.
(-:][:-)
Football Wedding
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, "It's ridiculous! He's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Received from AcraMax Jokes.
(-:][:-)
Crisco
An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!"
Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D."
The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband."
The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?"
The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public."
"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?"
"Lard bottom."
Received from Sitreg32.
(-:][:-)
Church Bulletin Bloopers
The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug abuse.
"Correction: The following typo appeared in our last bulletin: 'Lunch will be gin at 12:15.' Please correct to read '12 noon.' "
Any church member over the age of 18 is invited to participate in this lay ministry program. It requires a minimal amount of training and time. The orientation will include six weekly classes of about 200 hours each Tuesday night.
The Seniors group will have a picnic Saturday. Each person is asked to bring a friend, a vegetable, or dessert in a covered dish. Meat and drinks will be furnished.
The last day of Vacation Bible School will include a field trip to the state game farm. We could use some additional volunteers to help preparing the lunch of sandwiches, potato chips, cheese, crack, and cool aid that morning.
Remember the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp. We have a Gents three-speed bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order.
Received from Cathy Gilstrap.
(-:][:-)
Car Privileges
The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning, her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
Received from pkaine.
(-:][:-)
Back To School
After raising four kids and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years--a literature course.
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.
He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began: "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."
I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
The student behind me whispered, "Slow down! He's just taking attendance!"
(-:][:-)
A Home-Cooked Meal
When the power failed at the elementary school, the cook couldn't serve a hot meal in the cafeteria, so at the last minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches.
As one little boy filled his plate, he said, "It's about time. At last -- a home-cooked meal!"
Received from Ed.
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Tide
Dear Tide:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go... have to write to the Hefty bag people.
Received from Kerry Baker.
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GCFL Donation Drive
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(-:][:-)
-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day. The deceased was a little old lady who had devoted her entire married life to nagging at her poor husband.
When the graveside service had no more than terminated, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter than men.
Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2007/08/20/bulletproof-backpacks-in-case-your-kids-classmate-is-packing/ - - Bulletproof Backpacks: In Case Your Kid’s Classmate Is Packing
It’s mid-August, which means back-to-school day is just around the corner. And that in turn means it’s time to start shopping for school supplies: rulers and notebooks and pens and lunch boxes and calculators and computers and school clothes and … bulletproof backpacks???
“We’re just trying to give kids a defensive tool to use in case something does happen,” Curran said of the backpacks, which sell for $175 US. …
Since they started selling online last week, they’ve sold out of their initial stock of several hundred backpacks and are now ordering a new shipment from Massachusetts.
Methinks this calls for a limerick:
Bulletproof Backpacks: In Case Your Kid’s Classmate Is Packing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Selling bulletproof backpacks? How sad!
Could the safety of schools be so bad,
That parents must buy
Such an item? Oh my!
Are they needed, or just a mad fad?
So parents, would you ever clad your kid in a bulletproof backpack? Take this poll and let us all know:
Would you ever buy your child a bulletproof backpack?
Danged right! I'm buying one for every member of my family ... including my kid in Iraq.
No! That's the dumbest idea since the pet rock.
Yes, but only if it comes with firepower. Lock & load!
No. I'm holding out for a bulletproof lunchbox.
I'm holding out for the Brat-Pack, Rat-Pack ,Elvis -Bling-Studded Ack-Ack, Gak-Gawk, self-navigating, I-Pod, Game-Boy, Self-Feeding. Gas-(designer) Masked Version, with Removable Tattoos and extra Nose and Toe-Rings, in Baby Phat Pink Excruciated Elephant Hide with Rhinestone-Studded Sippy Cup attachments
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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A Lesson in History
SO MANY OF US ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THAT NEARLY EVERY FAMILY IN AMERICA WAS GROSSLY AFFECTED BY WW II. MOST DON'T REMEMBER THE RATIONING OF MEAT, SHOES, GASOLINE, AND SUGAR. NO TIRES FOR OUR AUTOMOBILES, AND A SPEED LIMIT OF 35 MILES AN HOUR ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION, NO NEW AUTOMOBILES. READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT HOW WE WOULD REACT TO BEING TAKEN OVER BY FOREIGNERS IN 2007.
This is an EXCELLENT essay Well thought out and presented. Historical Significance
**********************************
Sixty-three years ago, Nazi Germany had overrun almost all of Europe and hammered England to the verge of bankruptcy and defeat. The Nazis had sunk more than 400 British ships in their convoys between England and America taking food and war materials.
At that time the US was in an isolationist, pacifist mood, and most Americans wanted nothing to do with the European or the Asian war.
Then along came Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941 , and in outrage Congress unanimously declared war on Japan, and the following day on Germany, who had not yet attacked us. It was a dicey thing. We had few allies.
France was not an ally, as the Vichy government of France quickly aligned itself with its German occupiers. Germany was certainly not an ally, as Hitler was intent on setting up a Thousand Year Reich in Europe. Japan was not an ally, as it was well on its way to owning and controlling all of Asia.
Together, Japan and Germany had long-range plans of invading Canada and Mexico , as launching pads to get into the United States over our northern and southern borders, after they finished gaining control of Asia and Europe.
America 's only allies then were England , Ireland , Scotland , Canada , Australia , and Russia That was about it All of Europe, from Norway to Italy (except Russia in the East) was already under the Nazi heel.
The US was certainly not prepared for war. The US had drastically downgraded most of its military forces after WW I because of the depression, so that at the outbreak of WW II, Army units were training with broomsticks because they didn't have guns, and cars with "tank" painted on the doors because they didn't have real tanks A huge chunk of our Navy had just been sunk or damaged at Pearl Harbor.
Britain had already gone bankrupt, saved only by the donation of $600 million in gold bullion in the Bank of England (that was actually the property of Belgium ) given by Belgium to England to carry on the war when Belgium was overrun by Hitler (a little known fact).
Actually, Belgium surrendered on one day, because it was unable to oppose the German invasion, and the Germans bombed Brussels into rubble the next day just to prove they could.
Britain had already been holding out for two years in the face of staggering losses and the near decimation of its Royal Air Force in the Battle of Britain, and was saved from being overrun by Germany only because Hitler made the mistake of thinking the Brits were a relatively minor threat that could be dealt with later. Hitler, first turned his attention to Russia, in the late summer of 1940 at a time when England was on the verge of collapse.
Ironically, Russia saved America's butt by putting up a desperate fight for two years, until the US got geared up to begin hammering away at Germany.
Russia lost something like 24,000,000 people in the sieges of Stalingrad and Moscow alone . . . 90% of them from cold and starvation, mostly civilians, but also more than a 1,000,000 soldiers
Had Russia surrendered, Hitler would have been able to focus his entire war effort against the Brits, then America. If that had happened, the Nazis could possibly have won the war.
All of this has been brought out to illustrate that turning points in history are often dicey things. Now, we find ourselves at another one of those key moments in history.
There is a very dangerous minority in Islam that either has, or wants, and may soon have, the ability to deliver small nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons, almost anywhere in the world.
The Jihadis, the militant Muslims, are basically Nazis in Kaffiyahs -- they believe that Islam, a radically conservative form of Wahhabi Islam, should own and control the Middle East first, then Europe, then the world. To them, all who do not bow to their will of thinking should be killed, enslaved, or subjugated. They want to finish the Holocaust, destroy Israel , and purge the world of Jews. This is their mantra . (goal)
There is also a civil war raging in the Middle East -- for the most part not a hot war, but a war of ideas. Islam is having its Inquisition and its Reformation, but it is not yet known which side will win -- the Inquisitors, or the Reformationists.
If the Inquisition wins, then the Wahhabis, the Jihadis, will control the Middle East, the OPEC oil, and the US , European, and Asian economies.
The techno-industrial economies will be at the mercy of OPEC -- not an OPEC dominated by the educated, rational Saudis of today, but an OPEC dominated by the Jihadis. Do you want gas in your car? Do you want heating oil next winter? Do you want the dollar to be worth anything? You had better hope the Jihad, the Muslim Inquisition, loses, and the Islamic Reformation wins.
If the Reformation movement wins, that is, the moderate Muslims who believe that Islam can respect and tolerate other religions, live in peace with the rest of the world, and move out of the 10th century into the 21st, then the troubles in the Middle East will eventually fade away. A moderate and prosperous Middle East will emerge.
We have to help the Reformation win, and to do that we have to fight the Inquisition, i. e. the Wahhabi movement, the Jihad, Al Qaeda and the Islamic terrorist movements. We have to do it somewhere. We can't do it everywhere at once. We have created a focal point for the battle at a time and place of our choosing . . . . . . . . in Iraq Not in New York , not in London , or Paris or Berlin , but in Iraq , where we are doing two important things.
(1) We deposed Saddam Hussein. Whether Saddam Hussein was directly involved in the 9/11 terrorist attack or not, it is undisputed that Saddam has been actively supporting the terrorist movement for decades Saddam is a terrorist! Saddam is, or was, a weapon of mass destruction, responsible for the deaths of probably more than a 1,000,000 Iraqis and 2,000,000 Iranians.
(2) We created a battle, a confrontation, a flash point, with Islamic terrorism in Iraq. We have focused the battle. We are killing bad people, and the ones we get there we won't have to get here. We also have a good shot at creating a democratic, peaceful Iraq, which will be a catalyst for democratic change in the rest of the Middle East, and an outpost for a stabilizing American military presence in the Middle East for as long as it is needed.
WW II, the war with the Japanese and German Nazis, really began with a "whimper" in 1928. It did not begin with Pearl Harbor . It began with the Japanese invasion of China. It was a war for fourteen years before the US joined it. It officially ended in 1945 -- a 17 year war -- and was followed by another decade of US occupation in Germany and Japan to get those countries reconstructed and running on their own again . . . a 27 year war.
WW II cost the United States an amount equal to approximately a full year's GDP -- adjusted for inflation, equal to about $12 trillion dollars. WW II cost America more than 400,000 soldiers killed in action, and nearly 100,000 still missing in action.
The Iraq war has, so far, cost the United States about $160,000,000,000, which is roughly what the 9/11 terrorist attack cost New York. It has also cost about 3,000 American lives, which is roughly equivalent to lives that the Jihad killed (within the United States) in the 9/11 terrorist attack.
The cost of not fighting and winning WW II would have been unimaginably greater -- a world dominated by Japanese Imperialism and German Nazism.
This is not a 60-Minutes TV show, or a 2-hour movie in which everything comes out okay. The real world is not like that. It is messy, uncertain, and sometimes bloody and ugly. It always has been, and probably always will be.
The bottom line is that we will have to deal with Islamic terrorism until we defeat it, whenever that is. It will not go away if we ignore it.
If the US can create a reasonably democratic and stable Iraq , then we have an ally, like England , in the Middle East, a platform, from which we can work to help modernize and moderate the Middle East. The history of the world is the clash between the forces of relative civility and civilization, and the barbarians clamoring at the gates to conquer the world.
The Iraq War is merely another battle in this ancient and never ending war. Now, for the first time ever, the barbarians are about to get nuclear weapons. Unless somebody prevents them from getting them.
We have four options:
1 We can defeat the Jihad now, before it gets nuclear weapons.
2 We can fight the Jihad later, after it gets nuclear weapons (which may be as early as next year, if Iran 's progress on nuclear weapons is what Iran claims it is).
3 We can surrender to the Jihad and accept its dominance in the Middle East now; in Europe in the next few years or decades, and ultimately in America.
OR
4 We can stand down now, and pick up the fight later when the Jihad is more widespread and better armed, perhaps after the Jihad has dominated France and Germany and possibly most of the rest of Europe. It will, of course, be more dangerous, more expensive, and much bloodier.
If you oppose this war, I hope you like the idea that your children, or grandchildren, may live in an Islamic America under the Mullahs and the Sharia, an America that resembles Iran today.
The history of the world is the history of civilization clashes, cultural clashes. All wars are about ideas, ideas about what society and civilization should be like, and the most determined always win.
Those who are willing to be the most ruthless always win. The pacifists always lose, because the anti-pacifists kill them.
Remember, perspective is every thing, and America's schools teach too little history for perspective to be clear, especially in the young American mind.
The Cold War lasted from about 1947 at least until the Berlin Wall came down in 1989; forty-two years!
Europe spent the first half of the 19th century fighting Napoleon, and from 1870 to 1945 fighting Germany !
World War II began in 1928, lasted 17 years, plus a ten year occupation, and the US still has troops in Germany and Japan World War II resulted in the death of more than 50,000,000 people, maybe more than 100,000,000 people, depending on which estimates you accept.
The US has taken more than 3,000 killed in action in Iraq. The US took more than 4,000 killed in action on the morning of June 6, 1944 , the first day of the Normandy Invasion to rid Europe of Nazi Imperialism.
In WW II the US averaged 2,000 KIA a week -- for four years. Most of the individual battles of WW II lost more Americans than the entire Iraq war has done so far.
The stakes are at least as high . . . A world dominated by representative governments with civil rights, human rights, and personal freedoms . . or a world dominated by a radical Islamic Wahhabi movement, by the Jihad, under the Mullahs and the Sharia (Islamic law) .
It's difficult to understand why the average American does not grasp this. They favor human rights, civil rights, liberty and freedom, but evidently not for Iraqis.
"Peace Activists" always seem to demonstrate here in America , where it's safe.
Why don't we see Peace Activist demonstrating in Iran , Syria , Iraq , Sudan , North Korea , in the places that really need peace activism the most? I'll tell you why! They would be killed!
The liberal mentality is supposed to favor human rights, civil rights, democracy, multiculturalism, diversity, etc., but if the Jihad wins, wherever the Jihad wins, it is the end of civil rights, human rights, democracy, multiculturalism, diversity, etc.
Americans who oppose the liberation of Iraq are coming down on the side of their own worst enemy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raymond S. Kraft is a writer living in Northern California that has studied the Middle Eastern culture and religion
Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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VERY INTERESTING-
1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!
6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq
8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq!
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel
10. Amos cried out in Iraq!
11 Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem
12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq
16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq…
17. The wise men were from Iraq...
18. Peter preached in Iraq...
19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!
And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.
But do you know which nation is second?
It is Iraq!
However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.
The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia ... The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the
Tigris and Euphrates Rivers...
The name Iraq means country with deep roots.
Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.
No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated With it than Iraq
Thanks to Waneta
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| Safety from the Heart |
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September 21, 2007
Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Keith Black.
Study: Rotating Shift Workers Have Lower Levels of Hormone That Helps Regulate Sleep
August 6 2007
People who work rotating shifts have significantly lower levels of serotonin, a hormone and neurotransmitter in the central nervous system believed to play an important role in the regulation of sleep, according to a study published in the Aug. 1 issue of the journal SLEEP.
The study, authored by Carlos J. Pirola, Ph.D., of the Universidad de Buenos Aires, Argentina, focused on 683 men of self-reported European ancestry, in which 437 day workers were compared with 246 rotating shift workers. Day and night work periods started at 6 a.m. and 6 p.m. respectively. None of the subjects interchanged their job schedule.
The researchers said their results showed that serotonin content differed greatly between day workers and rotating shift workers, with levels of serotonin significantly higher in day workers.
"These findings may be important not only to understand the mechanisms related to the circadian rhythm desynchronization imposed by the rotating shift work regime, but also to target truly effective therapeutic strategies that may ameliorate the associated comorbidities and behavioral problems in rotating shift workers," Pirola said.
In addition to sleep problems, low levels of serotonin also are associated with other conditions such as anger, depression and anxiety.
Shift work sleep disorder is a circadian rhythm sleep disorder that occurs due to a work schedule that takes place during the normal sleep period. This schedule requires you to work when your body wants to sleep. Then you have to try to sleep when your body expects to be awake. The timing of when you sleep and wake is much different than what your internal body clock expects.
This sleep problem causes people to have trouble sleeping or to be severely tired. It is most often reported due to the night and early-morning shifts, the researchers said. These workers typically sleep one to four hours less than average. They also feel that the quality of their sleep is very poor. They do not feel refreshed when they wake up. This can hinder their performance at work. It can also make them less alert. This can put them at risk of an injury on the job.
Sleep problems from shift work affect male and female workers of all age groups. Those who have unusual work hours are most likely to have it. Estimates are that two to five percent of the general population is affected.
Those who suspect they might be suffering from shift work sleep disorder, or another sleep problem, are urged to consult with their primary care doctor or a sleep specialist.
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| Safety from the Heart |
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September 20, 2007
"Saturday Morning Safety Attitude"
Your Saturday morning says volumes about your safety attitude!
Our Saturday Morning Safety Quotient is a better indication of our true approach to safety than what we practice at work.
Our Saturday Morning Safety habits are not only an indicator of our approach to safety at home, but also influence the way we perform or want to perform at work: what we do off hours can, and usually does, affect our job performance. This doesn’t come as good news: our safety standards at home are seldom as high as those at work.
At Albemarle, the numbers show you are far more likely to get hurt at home than working for the company.
At home, without supervision, away from our peers and without all the talk about safety, we make our choices. Cognitive dissonance answers the question, “What was he thinking?” as we are more likely to try to close the gap between a high standard at work and self directed work at home by rationalizing the difference.
But it gives another option: changing the home practices to match the higher standard at work can also reduce the discomfort. Maybe wearing the safety gear and following the procedure wouldn’t be so bad – even if nobody’s watching. What happens on Saturday morning may be the best measure of how much buy-in there really is for our safety program. It's the dependent variable in the equation. If our guys are coming in on Monday all nicked up – or worse, we've got an important piece of data. On the other hand, if we see that their lifestyle is changing for the good – you’ve got corroboration that what you're doing is working. Remember, we want safe people as employees, not just safe employees. Blatantly stolen and modified from an article by V. Scott Pignolet
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| Safety from the Heart |
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September 20, 2007
Seven-tenths of a second
Today's Message is from Karen Bounds (a Houston Albemarle employee).
..................................................................
I have nieces and nephews who are now beginning to drive, so this subject is very near and dear to my heart. This is a repeat - but a very important message.
When I saw this safety article, it really hit home to me because many years ago there was a devastating car wreck behind the house where I was staying. A drunk driver hit a car full of people head on and both cars were traveling at a high rate of speed. No one was wearing seatbelts - several people were critically injured - and a child died as a result of this accident. This is a good message to print off and let your teenage drivers read.
No fluff, no frills, just an in-your-face account of what happens in an accident.
SEVEN-TENTHS OF A SECOND
Look at your watch and see how long one second really is. If you have a stop watch, try to stop the stop watch at seven-tenths of a second. Now that you know how long that is, consider what happens in the first seven-tenths of a second when an automobile traveling 55mph hits a solid object and the driver is not wearing his/her seat belt and shoulder belt.
In the first tenth of a second, the front bumper and grille collapse.
In the second tenth of a second, the hood crumples, raises and strikes the windshield while the rear wheels are lifted from the ground, still spinning at 55 mph. Simultaneously, the fenders begin wrapping themselves around the object that was just struck by the car. The frame of the car has stopped moving, but the rest of the car is still traveling 55 mph. The driver instinctively stiffens his legs against the crash and they snap at the knee joint.
During the third tenth of a second, the steering wheel starts to disintegrate in the driver's hands and the steering column is aimed at the driver's chest.
The fourth tenth of a second finds the first two feet of the car's front end wrecked, the rear moving at 35 mph, but the driver's body still traveling at 55 mph.
In the fifth tenth of a second (a "split second"), the driver is impaled on the steering column and his lungs begin to fill with blood.
In the sixth tenth of a second, the driver's feet are ripped out of his shoes, the brake pedal snaps off and the car frame buckles in the middle. The driver's head smashes into the through the windshield as the rear wheels fall back to earth.
In the seventh tenth of a second, doors fly open, hinges rip loose and the seats break free, striking the driver from behind. The driver does not feel the seat striking him, because he is already dead!
A lot has happened in less than one second. Think about how long one second is the next time you decide not to wear a seat belt. Think about how long seven-tenths of a second is. Then think how long eternity is.
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| Safety from the Heart |
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September 19, 2007
Be Careful where you Snorkel
Today's Safety From the Heart message was submitted by Frank Myers.
..................................................................
Doctors unable to reattach S.C. snorkeler’s arm
By The Associated Press
MONCKS CORNER, S.C. - A 59-year-old man’s arm was bitten off by an alligator as he snorkeled in a South Carolina lake, but doctors were unable to reattach it.
Bill Hedden, of Summerville, was bitten by an 11-foot, 10-inch alligator on Sunday afternoon in Lake Moultrie.
Hedden was taken to the Medical University of South Carolina, which declined Monday to release any information on his condition or treatment, citing the family’s request for privacy. He was listed in critical condition Sunday.
The (Charleston) Post and Courier reported that a family member said doctors were unable to reattach the arm, but that Hedden was nevertheless in good spirits.
The Associated Press could not immediately reach family members, but the hospital late Monday released a statement from Hedden’s relatives that thanked the doctors and nurses caring for him, and the people who assisted when he first emerged from the lake after the attack.
“The first order of Bill’s care has been to stop the bleeding and save his life. His surgeons and health care team are determining the next steps in his care at this time,” said the statement, which did not mention Hedden’s medical condition. “We are in good spirits and thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers.”
Authorities say Hedden, a retired master chief with the U.S. Navy, was snorkeling at the Short Stay Navy Outdoor Recreation Area when the 550-pound alligator tore his arm from his shoulder.
Hedden stumbled into a party of picnickers with his arm missing and blood gushing from his wound. Five nurses were among those at the gathering and put ice on his wound and kept him awake until paramedics could arrive.
His arm was retrieved from the alligator’s belly after wildlife officers shot the animal. The limb was then rushed to the hospital in an ice cooler with a police escort.
There have been no confirmed deaths in South Carolina involving an alligator attack, state wildlife officials said.
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| Safety from the Heart |
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September 18, 2007
A Lesson Learned
Today's Message is from Joe Coury (a Houston Albemarle employee).
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In 1966, a naphtha tanker was involved in a collision near New York City.
Naphtha is a refinery stream similar to gasoline. Before entering the shipyard for repairs, the holding tanks had to be emptied and "inerted." For all of the wrong reasons, carbon dioxide was chosen as the inerting gas.
Upon discharging the carbon dioxide into one of the "empty" holding tanks, an explosion occurred killing four men.
So what happened? Carbon dioxide upon exiting a high pressure cylinder gets very cold -- cold enough to form small particles of dry ice. These particles can accumulate an electrostatic charge. That charge ignited the residual naphtha vapors.
Lesson learned - don't inert with carbon dioxide and more importantly -- don't treat any chemical operation lightly.
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| Safety from the Heart |
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September 17, 2007
Today's Message is from Jerry Runk (a Houston Albemarle employee).
You May Be A Bad Driver and Not Know It
A clean driving record means nothing if you consistently court danger with habits you might not even consider risky.
According to surveys by auto insurers, virtually everybody thinks they’re above-average behind the wheel. Call it the Lake Wobegon effect. Sure, you buckle up, don’t apply mascara in traffic or watch X-rated movies on the in-car DVD player (like the Albany, N.Y., driver who was cited in 2004). But it takes a lot more to be a good driver. After all, somebody is causing all those accidents. Maybe it's you. Ever gone digging for a CD? Hassled a slower driver out of the fast lane? Kept another car from merging or changing lanes? Does your driving change once you spot a cop? Perhaps we're not all as above average as we think. Take this short quiz to see how you fare.
Question: Which would the good driver use: a hand-held cell phone or a hands-free setup?
Answer: Neither. A 2003 study by Great Britain’s Transport Research Laboratory found that talking on either device creates a driver about as attentive as one who's at the legal limit of alcohol consumption, said Eddie Wren, a former traffic patrol officer and advanced driving instructor in the United Kingdom and now executive director of New York-based Drive and Stay Alive.
Cell phones are just part of the much larger problem of driver inattention, which contributes to at least 25% of police-reported crashes in the United States, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Trying to catch a dropped french fry or arguing with a spouse distracts, if only for a moment.
Solution: “The secret of good driving,” says Wren, “is four boring words, because no one wants to do it: self-discipline and concentration.” In other words, hold all calls -- and that lovers’ spat -- until you get home.
Question: When driving in fast-moving traffic, where should you focus your eyes?
a. On the preceding car’s bumper
b. 150 feet ahead
c. 300 feet ahead
d. None of the above
Answer: d. One of the biggest mistakes drivers make is that they don’t use their eyes correctly and don’t take in the entire scene, says Jim Smith, vice president of training for Arlington, Texas,-based Smith System Driver Improvement Institute, which trains the fleet drivers of large corporations.
Solution: Experts suggest several strategies.
Aim higher. People naturally look only about 100 feet ahead of themselves, says Smith. “We teach people to aim higher,” he explains. “When you aim low, you can’t see high -- but when you aim high you can see low.” (Try it right now.) Especially when traveling at high speeds, drivers should raise their gaze to see what’s happening a few hundred yards down the road, or farther, say experts. At 60 mph, that spot will be here before you know it.
Look through things. At the Bob Bondurant School of High-Performance Driving in Phoenix, instructors teach clients to look through the back window of the vehicle in front of them, says Tim Maddux, an instructor and former race-car driver. “Don’t drive behind a car you can’t see through or can’t see around.” At Danny McKeever’s Fast Lane Racing School in Southern California, which teaches a “highway survival” course for both teens and adults, instructors teach students to look as far around corners as possible. “You can’t react to something you can’t see,” says Allison Altzman, a former instructor who is now vice president of business development.
Keep those peepers moving. At Smith System, the company also teaches drivers to keep their eyes moving. The average human’s “central vision” -- what’s in focus when you look at, say, that picture on the wall -- spans just 3 degrees, while most humans’ peripheral vision is about 180 degrees, says Smith. To truly see everything that’s happening around you, constantly shift your eyes slightly instead of simply staring forward.
Check those mirrors. “We teach people to check their mirrors every five to eight seconds -- and to check their mirrors every time they brake,” says Smith.
Question: You’re driving 45 mph in rush-hour traffic. How many car lengths should you leave between you and the car ahead, in traffic?
Answer: None. OK, this is a bit of a trick question. Not leaving a large enough cushion is a major factor in auto crashes. When it comes to so-called following distances, “People used to talk about so many car lengths for so many miles per hour,” says Wren. “Well, it’s rubbish.” Why? Because it’s too hard to figure distances when driving.
Solution: Use the simpler “two second, four second, 10 second” rule for dry roads, wet roads and icy, snowy or muddy roads, Wren advises. As the car ahead passes something that’s not moving (a lamp post, a road sign), count slowly how long it takes you to reach that same spot. If it’s rainy out and you reach that spot before you count “four-Mississippi,” back off. Four seconds sound like too much? Wren has no sympathy. “You’ve got to ask yourself, do I want to be impatient, or do I want to be alive?”
True or false: You’ve now made a nice following distance between you and the Mack truck ahead. You’re set, right?
Answer: False. A buffer isn’t a cure-all. Driving instructors say that few Joe Four-Strokes out on the road think about how they’ll get out of a bad situation when it strikes. And even the driver who leaves room ahead can get hit from behind when a pileup occurs.
Solution: Always have an escape route, a backup plan for when things go south. Yours could be as simple as pulling onto the adjacent road shoulder, or knowing that there’s no car in the next lane, if you need to swerve. Don’t let yourself stay boxed in among other automobiles or get trapped in the blind spot of an 18-wheeler.
Don’t have an escape route? Move until you’ve got one. While experts don’t advocate speeding, they acknowledge that sometimes, staying safe means pressing on the gas briefly, to get out of potentially bad spots. And since the road is always changing, you constantly need to update your escape route.
The same general strategy applies to other unexpected situations, says instructor Maddux. “When someone gets in a slide, or they get in a bad situation, they look at what they don’t want to hit.” Bad move, he says. Where your eyes go, “your body will follow.” Instead, he says, look at your escape route.
Question: Where on the steering wheel should your hands be when you’re driving?
Answer: Not at “4 o’clock and 8 o’clock.” The rationale behind “4-and-8” that many driver's-education classes advocate is that it keeps a driver’s hands out of the way of the steering column’s airbag, preventing injuries to hands and arms, and to the face. “That’s stupid,” says Wren. With hands low and elbows on their thighs, he says, drivers have little ability to control the car.
Solution: Better to raise your chances of avoiding an incident altogether by having your hands in the tried-and-true “10-and-2” positioning, says Wren. Or, experts suggest dropping the hands slightly, to a “9-and-3” position, to keep them out of an airbag’s path.
You’re also probably turning wrong. In this age of airbag-equipped cars, experts no longer recommend the hand-over-hand method of turning the steering wheel. Instead, use the “shuffle” method, which feeds the wheel through your hands and keeps them from crossing in front of the airbag.
They're not just statistics
Get all those right? Great.
If you didn't, consider some changes, not just for safety's sake, but for your wallet's, too. It's not just about higher insurance premiums and body-shop bills. Increasingly stringent laws around the country are cracking down on persistently careless or aggressive driving.
New Jersey has raised about $300 million in the last two years by fining drivers who get three speeding tickets or other tickets in a three-year period. Virginia is considering similar legislation. And under more stringent legislation passed last year in Michigan, drivers who repeatedly break traffic laws could have to undergo therapy as well as pay fines and take driving classes to keep their licenses.
For other tests that gauge different aspects of your driving, visit Drive for Life, The Driving Challenge Quiz and the AARP.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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Activities and Events of Interest
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.
USW and IBCTV to Use Cutting Edge Technology to Create Virtual Courtroom Experience
Website to Provide Video & Documents from BP Texas City Explosion Trial
GALVESTON, Texas -The United Steel Workers (USW) have partnered with IBCTV to recreate the BP Texas City explosion trial courtroom experience online and available to anyone 24/7 at www.ibctvlive.com.
For the first time in history the media and general public will be able to watch interactive trial highlights and review the documents and exhibits that will be woven directly into the video. To create this realistic experience, IBCTV will review the video stream daily and receive transcript and evidence directly from the courtroom at the end of each day. This will include video of the explosion overlaid with the actual 911 calls and BP radio transmissions from within the refinery.
The trial centers around four injury lawsuits alleging that on March 23, 2005, BP operated its Texas City, Texas refinery with gross negligence and violated federal, state, industry and even its own safety standards that led to the explosion. The explosion caused hundreds of injuries and 15 deaths. Though a large percentage of the seven million pages of documents obtained and released to the public by the plaintiffs’ attorney Brent Coon of Brent Coon & Associates, additional documents not approved for public viewing will be presented during the course of the trial.
Jay Jackson, president of IBCTV stated, “This is how people want to watch trials. Candidly, trial proceedings put people to sleep. It is our goal to make this experience as intriguing and fast paced as possible.”
To that end, IBCTV will offer visitors various interactive features such as blogs, ‘Ask a Question’, the ability to search by date, name, document, and other on demand menus. This is the same technology that was to be used in November 2006 when the USW partnered with IBCTV to broadcast the Eva Rowe case, which was settled the day the trial was to begin.
“The USW strongly believes that its 850,000 members have a right to see the safety processes taken and not taken by the petroleum industry in its refineries. Process safety management is not only the USW’s concern, it is everyone’s concern. What happened at the BP Texas City refinery should never happen again,” added Gary Beevers, an international vice president for the USW. “The USW requested Mr. Jackson and his team to bring their vision and technology to our belief that the truth about BP and the Texas City explosion needs to be shown to our members and the public at large. We selected the IBCTV team because they are pioneering this technology and approach.”
About IBCTV “Reinventing the Internet”
Founded in 2003, IBCTV, LLC revolutionized client acquisition on the Internet with its proprietary interactive video solutions. IBCTV, LLC is the innovator of interactive video technology and exclusive client acquisition solutions, connecting prospective clients with businesses through the company's proprietary WebSite TV and Video Client Evaluators. IBCTV offers the tools, technology, service and training to entice potential consumers through live and on-demand video interactivity, as well as award-winning video design and production. For more information: www.ibctv.com.
"About the United Steel Workers “Unity and Strength for Workers”
The USW is a North American labor union representing 850,000 workers employed in metals, mining, rubber, paper, energy, chemicals and the service sector industries. For more information: www.usw.org/.
Contacts
JASE Consulting, Inc.
Spencer Maus, 312-397-1960
http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/
01. Sgt. John Mele, 25, of Bunnell, Fla., died Sept. 14 in Arab Jabour, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his unit during combat operations. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 30th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.
02. Staff Sgt. Michael L. Townes, 29, of Las Vegas, died Sept. 16 in Balad, Iraq, from a non-combat related illness. He was assigned to the 4th Battalion, 227th Aviation Regiment, Aviation Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.
03. Spc. Brandon T. Thorsen, 22, of Trenton, Fla., died Sept. 15 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident Sept. 14 in Baghdad. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Bliss, Texas.
04. Spc. Matthew J. Emerson, 20, of Grandview, Wash., died Sept. 18 in Ninewah Province, Iraq, of injuries suffered from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 7th Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Bliss, Texas.
The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Sept. 18 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near their unit during combat operations. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 23rd Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash. Killed were:
05. Spc. Joseph N. Landry III, 23, of Pensacola, Fla.
06. Spc. Nicholas P. Olson, 22, of Novato, Calif.
07. Spc. Donald E. Valentine III, 21, of Orange Park, Fla.
08. Spc. Aaron J. Walker, 23, of Harker Heights, Texas, died Sept. 18 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with small arms fire during combat operations. He was assigned to the 3rd Squadron, 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment, 1st Armored Division, Vilseck, Germany.
09. Pfc. Christian M. Neff, 19, of Lima, Ohio, died Sept. 19 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered from an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 64th Armor Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.
10. Sgt. Edmund J. Jeffers, 23, of Daleville, Ala., died Sept. 19 in Taqqadum, Iraq, of injuries suffered from a non-combat related accident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.
11. Cpl. Graham M. McMahon, 22, of Corvallis, Ore., died Sept. 19 in Balad, Iraq, from a non-combat related illness. He was assigned to the 4th Battalion, 9th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Stryker Brigade Combat Team, Fort Lewis, Wash.
12. Pfc. Luigi Marciante Jr., 25, of Elizabeth, N.J., died Sept. 20 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 23rd Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Stryker Brigade Combat Team, Fort Lewis, Wash.
http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day - James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
James 4:13-15 1 Pet 3:15-16 James 3:16-18 Exo 4:10-12 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat_q__.blogspot.com, where _ is the quarter (1, 2, 3, or 4) and __ is the year (05, 06, or 07). We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2007 before it was sent.
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